Mightier Than This Blog

Inside Club Wicked's "exhibitionist room" a tanned blond wearing aviator shades and a tight, cropped police uniform straddles her husband.

A dim bulb in the sconce lamp over the bed bathes her in red, wraps around her curves. The humidity of the place smells of scented lube and sweat. The pounding bass from Euro Dance music is leaking from invisible speakers. It almost overpowers the screams and whimpers. Almost.

The blond smiles slyly at the two-way mirror, at the towel-clad couples in the other room who are watching.

LATEST TARGET

A curious couple peeks through beads on the doorway. "Can we play?" they ask, and wait for a nod before hopping onto the bed.

Beside them, a window overlooking the traffic and bustle along Queen St. W.

Swingers are the latest target of Toronto council.

"We're not into legislating morality between consenting adults," insists Etobicoke-Lakeshore Councillor Peter Milczyn. "It's when you're creating those establishments in residential communities then it's set up as a conflict."

At a council meeting in June, 33 city councillors voted in favour of a motion to close two Etobicoke swinger clubs -- Club Hers and Menage a Quatre.

The two clubs are part of this city's flourishing swingers scene. From clubs to cruises to condo parties, Toronto has become a swinger's destination, eclipsing Montreal as Canada's swingers capital, those in the scene suggest.

Busloads of American swingers travel here, because it is legal in this country for consenting adults to practice open, explicit sex acts within the relatively public confines of a club.

However, the same city fathers who preach diversity, who embrace immigrants, multiculturalism, Toronto's large and well-established lesbian and gay community have difficulty with swingers.

Etobicoke-North Councillor Rob Ford, who supported the motion to close the clubs, said he doesn't feel swingers clubs reflect what Toronto stands for, even if they do attract tourism. Yet, it was only last year when the city invested $150,000 for racy ads as part of their Live With Culture campaign to boost tourism.

"Families and people like that," Ford said this week. "They're the ones who bring the money to the city."

"Toronto being sex capital of the world wouldn't bode too well with tourists in general," he said.

This fall, the city manager will begin work in consultation with the police, planning department, public health, fire services and municipal licensing and standards to oust the swinger clubs.

"I don't think our staff know what's going on here and I want to find out and get these shut down," local Councillor Mark Grimes previously told the Sun. "I'm hearing from the community that single men are getting out of cabs, there's prostitutes loitering around the area, they're picking them up and going into these clubs."

'GLORY HOLE'

There is certainly a lot going on inside the clubs.

On a Saturday night at Wicked, it looks like a scene from the movie Eyes Wide Shut, but without the masks.

Husbands and wives begin kissing wildly and hands start to wander. Some change partners and others opt for the anonymity of "glory hole" booths. On the top floor, a hallway fan buzzes to dry off the sweat. There is chatter on the patio where towelled and naked bodies go for a post-sex cigarette. There isn't even a tinge of pushiness in the air as the couples walk hand-in-hand and climb into bed with four other couples too busy to notice their presence. Between the moans of ecstasy, you can hear fiendish giggles.

But "Toronto the Good" has always struggled with morality issues. City and law enforcement officials have at various times over past decades cracked down on strip clubs, massage parlours, prostitution and public sex, particularly the kind practised by gay men and lesbians.

Most infamously, however, Toronto is known for the gay bathhouse raids in 1981 that saw police swarm into clubs where gay men were having open, consensual sex.

As much as the gay community was outraged by the "Gestapo" police, as gay rights activist George Hislop referred to them at the time, the public was equally shocked.

HEATED DEBATE

The raids prompted heated debate and self-examination about human rights and tolerance and the protests that erupted in response to the raids eventually gave way to Toronto's Pride Parade that sees the mayor, police chief and councillors participate.

"You look at the very few raids that have been done in places and so-called bathhouses in recent years so obviously there's a much more permissive attitude on the part of politicians. The public interest groups that support these places are much more vocal and politically connected," said Staff-Sgt. Al Verwey of 13 Division. "There is generally an attitude that if the public isn't complaining about it very loudly, the police aren't going to enforce it very rigorously."

There is some irony, then, in the city's current confrontation with swingers clubs.

"People always get bent out of shape when heterosexuals want to have sex, and I don't get that," said Peter Bochove, owner of gay bathhouse Excess Spa on Carlton St. and an activist in the 1981 raids. "If everyone going into this club knows exactly what they're going into and kids aren't walking by giant signs, then no one's being harmed."

Elizabeth Abbott, a celibacy history research associate at University of Toronto, describes Toronto as a "formerly repressed city" where the 1970s finally happened and many immigrants moved in.

People are gravitating towards swinging, Abbott notes, because there is too much stress on staying with one person and the element of curiosity is overpowering.

"The city isn't suspicious anymore, it rigorously loves diversity," she said. "We're a changed culture where it's now seen as wrong to criticize different lifestyles."

And the bottom line: Swingers clubs are legal.

LEGAL SINCE 2005

The Supreme Court of Canada made them so in 2005, ruling that two Montreal swingers clubs that allowed sex on the premises between consenting adults did not violate decency laws because it didn't harm society.

Club Wicked has a doorman who not only keeps out the young, impressionable and curious, but turns away those who don't meet the club's standards of physical attractiveness.

Aurora Benzion and her husband Shlomo told the Sunday Sun their club allows experienced, curious adults to indulge in sex with other couples in a safe environment. But at the same time, they've built a "positive" relationship with their community.

"It's better than a nightclub because they're not drug addicts or ... long lineups or people who make a lot of noise," Shlomo said.

Club Wicked evolved from the "sex mansion parties" the couple ran in 2003. They moved to a space at Richmond and Church Sts. a year later but found it too cramped and, in 2006, landed at Ossington Ave. and Queen St. W.

Their regulars come weekly from all over the GTA, Hamilton, Oakville and Niagara Falls. The owners boast 30,000 members on their website worldwide. Tourists from Boston, Chicago, Tampa and Germany have all come here to swap partners and the Benzions are organizing some buses from Michigan to come to Wicked.

"We're becoming a destination for liberated Americans," Aurora said. "I don't think they can find this kind of entertainment in their country anymore. Our clientele is very upscale."

The higher echelon of society -- lawyers and doctors -- as well as regular blue-collar folks can be found within the walls of Wicked on any given night. Though, to make it to the upstairs Shlomo's Penthouse area where all the naughty stuff goes on you have to fall into the Benzions' ideal of "fit and attractive."

"Going on the main floor doesn't give you entry to the penthouse," Shlomo said.

Those who fit the standard exchange their clothes for a towel and a key to a locker. Lingerie is also permitted. Riding a feverish wave of alcohol mixed in with hours of grinding with old and new partners on the dance floor downstairs has put them in the right mood. And when people get up to the on-premise VIP area, the inhibitions slide off with the towels.

Patrons walk down the hall past a giant lip-shaped couch to a rectangular area composed of several mattresses pushed together where at least a dozen couples can "play" together in a larger setting.

Aurora suggests swingers clubs are part of a trend that is seeing more people explore their sexuality. Many got into the "lifestyle" (although some prefer to be called "hedonists") because it allows them to explore their fantasies together without cheating.

"The younger people are less worried about what will people say," she said. "People who are over 40 want me to blur their faces if I take party pics of them but those in their 20s and 30s are fearless."

Ruthy Muller of Happy Hedonist and Club Prive, an off-premise Mississauga swingers club in business for the past 14 years, said that although swinging may be more popular, the number of swingers clubs in Toronto hasn't increased all that much.

An online search for such clubs in the area reveals about 27 but a number are transitory, opening and closing within months.

"The younger generation doesn't really need (clubs) because things are so open," Muller said.

Swinging legend has it that the lifestyle began during the World War II among the United States military. It was built on the idea that because of the high mortality rate of pilots, if they ever crashed, another pilot would care for his wife emotionally and sexually. In more recent decades, swinging came about with the sexual revolution.

But the traditional 1970s perception of "wife swapping" isn't what the clubs are about. Clients range from voyeurs and exhibitionists to those who have public sex with their partners or indulge in threesomes, foursomes or orgies.

Robert Pollara, "the new kid on the block" in the city's swinging scene, came from Florida to Toronto to open Menage a Quatre, another on-premise club, in June.

"I don't think anybody in the neighbourhood had any idea that we existed nor would they have until Mark Grimes got on TV and started ranting and raving," Pollara said. "I've been doing this for 10 years now and with the '90s and the help of the Internet, swinging really became pervasive."

"It hasn't gotten to the extent in Europe where there are 60 clubs, but the baby boomers have hit that point where they're looking for something more to do."

Swingers clubs follow a strict code, though it's not necessary under the Supreme Court decision. Discreet signage is more of a courtesy for the community.

SIGN WAIVER

The etiquette is that all play must be between consenting adults and a waiver is signed by all members coming to the on-premise area that they understand what the club is. The waiver also doubles as proof of membership in case any prostitution accusations arise.

"There's not very much the city can or should do," Excess bathhouse owner Bochove suggests, arguing the gay community experience shows the Supreme Court decision trumps anything municipalities can attempt to do, including public health inspections or zoning.

"But at least then people can sue the city," he said.

Even city officials have trouble with where the lines are.

Mark Dimuantes, Toronto's municipal licensing and standards senior policy officer, said swingers clubs don't require a licence but added "it probably wouldn't be a good idea for the city to licensed them because then they become an accepted land-use."

Brampton's Club Eros founder Ron Michaels, who operates the longestrunning swingers club in the country at 36 years and the third-longest in North America, suggests whether the city likes them or not, swingers are here to stay.

"It used to be more of an underground phenomenon," Michaels said. "I don't think there are any more swingers now than 20 or 30 years ago; they're just more open about it."

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WHAT'S LEGAL AND NOT ...

BODY RUB PARLOURS

Legal, but ...

The city's municipal licensing and standards division said there are currently 25 body rub parlours that have operating licences. Both the owner and masseurs must have their own licences. Toronto Police said there must not be any prostitution on premises including topless, nude, bodyslide, reverse bodyslide, oral, intercourse or manual release. Massage room doors have to be unlocked.

STRIP CLUBS

Legal. Like body rub parlours both the owner/operator and dancers must have licences through MLS. If a dancer touches or allows a client to touch her -- even through clothing -- the dancer and establishment could both be charged under the bawdy house legislation. Municipal Licensing and Standards said the "lap dances can happen but there's not supposed to be any physical contact."

SWINGERS CLUBS

Legal. In 2005, the Supreme Court of Canada said activity at swingers clubs "can hardly be supposed to jeopardize a society as vigorous and tolerant as Canadian society."

Most club owners will keep a list of members and, be discreet with their storefront and make sure everyone who enters the club knows what they're getting into -- possible consensual sex behind closed doors.

GAY AND LESBIAN BATHHOUSES

Legal. Peter Bochove of Spa Excess won a court case against the city of Toronto in 1988 when he found out they weren't renewing leases for bathhouses. There are no restrictions in zoning because they're not classed as "adult entertainment" so the city leaves charges in the hands of police under the Criminal Code for lewd activity.

Labels: city council, legal, public, sex, swingers, toronto

posted by Jenny Yuen  # 11:00 AM 0 Comments

A disgraced Toronto doctor who had his medical licence stripped for repeated sexual misconduct 16 years ago has hung out a new shingle: Sex guru.

"Dimitri the Lover" insists he can teach men who attend his Toronto Real Men meetings and workshops how to make women "worship" them.

Billing himself as the "World's Greatest Lover and Seducer," Dimitri boasts that even average Joes can learn to woo and "expertly pleasure" the opposite sex.

Toronto is home to several "seduction lairs" and there are dozens in major cities across the country.

Self-described gurus and pickup artists such as Dimitri have been around at least since the '70s, notably when Eric Weber's book How to Pick Up Girls became a bestseller and a hit movie.

In the late '90s Clifford Lee, a consummate networker, began his Cliff's List Seduction Letter as a central voice of the community.

INTERNET EXCHANGE

And most recently the se -duction community gained some publicity with The Game, a book written by journalist and pickup artist Neil Strauss (known in "the community" as "Style").

The Internet has allowed these women hunters to trade techniques, organize meetings, arrange to cruise for chicks and popularize their own jargon -- "negging," "sarging," "peacocking" and "wingman" to describe strategies, techniques and tactics intended to help them get wo -men into bed.

Frank B. Kermit, founder of the Toronto Seduction Lair -- one of the first groups in the city -- said dating gurus exist because men are too scared to approach women, especially in Toronto, which is known as a frigid city romance-wise.

Kermit, 34, who recently left the Lair to become a relationship guru, said it was frustrating being lumped into the same category as others.

"One of the good ways to find out if they're legitimate or not is to find out what their story of pain is," he said. "This industry attracts the worst type of people."

Although each guru's philosophy differs, they're all cashing in. Through seminars, boot camps, membership fees and merchandise, seduction gurus can make between $30,000 and $1 million a year.

And there appears to be no shortage of men willing to pay for the advice.

Upstairs at Rancho Relaxo, a Mexican restaurant and lounge on College Street, Dimitri in a bold pinstripe sport jacket and black jeans has a group of 15 guys sitting in a circle, talking about techniques and schemes to meet and sweet-talk a woman into bed.

"I'm not sure what my problem is," asks one guy. "I can't just go up to a woman and talk to her."

According to Dimit -ri, Canadian men suppress their natural sexuality because the media tells them that being assertive of "macho" is equal to being abusive.

He advocates a more "European" approach to picking up women.

Dimitri tells the guy that compliments are his best bet if he wants to land her in bed.

He's suddenly authoritative -- the way cops interrogate suspects.

"Smile and go up to a woman and tell her she's beautiful, make up some shit," he says. "I swear, when they start flipping their hair, you know you can hit on them."

Apparently grocery stores are a haven for loose and frustrated women, and babes in the city are a lot more uptight than suburban women.

His theme this month is cruising for women in the 905.

"Downtown Oakville is full of chicks," Dimitri says. Some of the guys have begun taking notes.

"Lots of nice cougars," he continues. "But the best is Oshawa Centre ... a lot of them work in the GM plant and they make really good money. They're not looking for sugar daddies."

'BEAUTIFUL AND EASY'

"In Newmarket, Upper Canada Mall," he says. "Beautiful and easy. Problem with 416 area code ... they all think we're Paul Bernardo until proven otherwise."

The most promiscuous women, according to Dimitri's website, are saleswomen (especially real estate agents), nannies, schoolteachers (especially elementary and early childhood education), nurses and lawyers (criminal and civil litigation in particular).

Dimitri charges $40 to attend one of his weekday meetings, $269 for an annual membership to his "lair" and as much as $2,997 plus GST for a two-day workshop advertised on his website, dimitrithelover.com, where "Dimitri The Lover creates a powerful identity for you that women will find irresistible."

In an e-mail to the Sun, Dimitri insists he's not in the guru business for the money.

"Men pay me thousands of dollars just to spend a day watching me seduce women, and I make loads of money in my full-time business, so money's not an issue.

Dimitri is associated with Trillium Mortgage Services Inc., a company in a strip mall on Consumers Rd., near the 401 and Victoria Park Ave.

He also founded the Second Opinion Medical-Legal Consultants Group Inc. in 1994, which says it provides forensic medical investigations into malpractice, sexual harassment and wrongfully accused cases.

"People do not understand the benign, positive, healthy nature of our meetings," he insisted to the Sun.

"I adore women," said his e-mail, in which he referred to his meetings as a "community Service" where he helps shy and sexually inhibited men meet and have relations with women.

His website suggests otherwise.

"Learn the secret physical, verbal and psychological techniques used by Dimitri the Lover to seduce, pleasure and sexually enslave women," says one of his program outlines.

Or this: "A man's 'basic operating system' is composed of 'rapist' and 'murderer' programs which have been hard-wired into his brain.

"If there were no laws within society, the man would be constantly jumping women on the street."

DESCRIBED AS 'SLUTS'

Women are repeatedly referred to as "sluts" and his website is filled with immature and juvenile sexual references and animations.

"I have no issues with co-operating in the writing of an article in that the Toronto Real Men have nothing to hide," Dimitri wrote in his e-mail to the Sun.

"Although I am a perverted sex pig, I am the most non-misogynistic man you will ever meet.

"Oh, and make sure to mention in your article that I am strikingly handsome, more charming than Barack Obama, exude a sensual aura, ... oh, and don't forget humble!"

University of Toronto feminist philosophy professor Amy Mullin said it's dangerous and unhealthy to buy into Dimitri's depiction of women as sluts.

"I thought it interesting that he claimed to be sexist but non-misogynist because he 'loved stimulating women's bodies and minds,' " Mullin said. "You need to think of women as more than instruments to your own pleasure, which he tended to reduce them to."

She also said that because women's pleasures differ from men's, "it strikes me as highly unlikely that someone following his methods and goal of "penetrating 10 new female orifices a month would be a good lover."

In his ads, Dimitri suggests his pickup and seduction techniques are medically sound.

"Combining his medical training with years of field research on the streets of Toronto, he has figured out a way in which to identify women who crave (sex)," states one of his blurbs.

"Dimitri The Lover is the ONLY pickup guru in the world WITH PROFESSIONAL CREDENTIALS TO BACK HIM UP who has conducted IN-FIELD MEDICAL RESEARCH ON SEDUCTION!!!" he proclaims in another.

However, his troubled past and medical credentials are hardly worth bragging about.

Dimitri the Lover's real name is James N. Sears.

Sears' childhood was hardly idyllic. One parent was abusive and alcoholic and the other struggled with mental illness, according to court transcripts and disciplinary records from Ontario's College of Physicians and Surgeons.

Sears, as a child, was "subject to compulsive ritualistic behaviour and had developed an attention-deficit disorder with hyperactivity," states a 1992 college record on sexual impropriety charges against him.

Sears was also exceptionally bright. He claims a 170 IQ.

He entered medical school at the University of Toronto in 1983. Within two years, at age 22, he came under scrutiny from psychiatrists for erratic behaviour.

By 1986, Sears was in the Canadian Armed Forces and while still a third-year medical student was evaluated by a military psychiatrist who suggested there was "something seriously wrong" with Sears.

He was shunned by fellow students because of his behaviour. A female officer complained he repeatedly tried to enter her room, and military police found "a can of Mace, several knives, two empty smoke grenade canisters and an electronic stun gun" in his room following an incident.

As a result of his antics, Sears had to repeat a year of medical school. Despite documented reservations, he graduated from U of T as a doctor in 1988.

During his internship at Doctors Hospital in Toronto, Sears skipped duties, drank while on call, indulged in "inappropriate self-use of prescription drugs," according to the College hearing record.

Sears was judged "immature" in a subsequent psychiatric assessment and it was noted he displayed "inappropriate behaviour towards female staff members," and was viewed by peers as "un -trustworthy, cynical and narcissistic."

He underwent psychotherapy and was admitted to Ottawa's National Defence Medical Centre in 1990 for evaluation and treatment.

There, "record was made of numerous, random and obsessive telephone calls to women during which he would sometimes masturbate," and evidence suggested "prescribable substance abuse," according to the College hearing records.

However, after a conclusion of "no clear evidence of major psychiatric illness," Sears was cleared to return to medical practice.

He apparently found military medicine boring, "which led to compulsive masturbation up to six times per day, which was accomplished by going off to the washroom in between patients," the records state.

Psychotherapy and pharmaceutical treatment was recommended, and Sears was transferred to Toronto to receive treatment at the Clarke Institute, but no grounds were seen to prevent him from continuing to work as a doctor.

James Sears' medical career began to fall apart in 1991, when the College of Physicians and Surgeons suspended his licence following complaints from female patients.

By late 1992, Sears would plead guilty to two counts of sexual assault and he would be stripped of his medical licence for sexual impropriety.

In court documents from his sentencing, Justice Hugh Locke stated Sears made unwanted "verbal sexual overtures" toward his patients and "sexually assaulted them by attempting to kiss and to embrace them," while on house calls.

"That unacceptable type of conduct was obviously terrifying to his victims," Justice Locke wrote.

By 1994, Sears was unemployed and his marriage had fallen apart.

APPEALED CONVICTION

However, he appealed the sexual assault charges against him, defended himself and was acquitted, subsequently stating his lawyers had "pressured" him into pleading guilty at the initial hearing.

Sears refused a request by the Sun to discuss the charges or allegations against him, saying they were a matter of public record.

Back at the lair meeting, Dimitri is bragging about his conquests.

"I drove up to Newmarket to get laid in a snowstorm because she was hot," Dimitri tells the guys.

"Took 45 minutes to get there, half hour to warm her up, an hour to service her, half hour so she didn't feel like she was used."

Labels: assault, dimitri the lover, doctor, guru, magnolia, sex

posted by Jenny Yuen  # 10:33 AM 1 Comments